What We Can Do

Sometimes life really surprises us and sometimes we just can't do a thing about it. Even when we see our love ones suffer and pass through a lot, we can't do something to help them. And sometimes when we think that life sucks the most, something beautiful appears and we realized that what we were complaining was stupid.

Also we like to think a lot about ourselves, without realizing that the people that we love the most are the ones that need your company right now. So maybe we can't do anything against life and we can't help the people that we love. But we can be just there for them, it might not sound like a big deal. But it is, because, let's face it, nobody likes to be alone.

Life Is Scarier Than A Scary Movie

"You are writing your own autobiography...Make it great" - Joseph Adam Jonas

And you know it's true. Don't deny it. They are a lot of people telling us to live at the fullest and to enjoy every moment because it would NOT come around again. And that's so true but scary at the same time. It's scary to think that one minute more in earth it's one less in earth too. And there is the thing about not knowing when is our last day. I mean, it could be in the next second or maybe in 90 years. Who knows? Maybe the world it's ending in 2012 like a lot of people say. Only God knows. And I like it to stay that way. I don't like people trying to predict when are they going to die or when the world is coming to an "END". That takes all the excitement and mystery of living. If you knew when you are going to die, then you'll just live with fear and do things because you HAVE to, because you know when the end is. But if you are a mortal like me, you'll just enjoy every moment if you feel like it. Even thou you know deep inside that you should do something more productive because someday death would come and get you.

I know that might sound scary, but it shouldn't. Let me tell you some dirty little secret. I'm not afraid to die. Obviously I'd like to stay as many years as I can on earth. I'd like to turn my dreams into reality. But let's face it... as ironic as it sounds, death is just a part of living. And it is. We are created and put into this world, we live and then, time to go back from where we came from. And there is no scary part of that. The only scary part is when you die and you realize that you haven't achieved anything in life. Because, let me tell you, there is not "what if" in live. There is no rewind. And that's why life is the most beautiful movie, because there are no cuts. Mistakes and all.

So let's live our live at the fullest. But let's never forget to make a pause in it and enjoy every moment because only you can decide what kind of live you are living.

R A N T I N G

Don't you hate it when you have plenty of time but you don't want to do anything that pops your mind? Isn't that really stressing? .... Yeah I thought so...

I'm really not in the mood for reading, or watching TV or any of that things that normally I like to do. I can't even pick a friggin song to listen! And I think Nick Jonas just moaned in "State of Emergency" Ha, the things you noticed when you are not paying attention, say what?!

Anyways, back to my problem. I still can't find a good FF (Fan Fiction) I would like to read. Seriously, they are getting all the same and boring. Or maybe I'm just getting a little bit tired of the regular story. Joe is a douche bag, bad girl falls in love, they change, they have sex, they marry and they live happy ever after. Tell me something new.

And yeah, I'm talking about Jonas Brothers Fan Fiction, they are my guilty pleasure. What can I say? One of my dirty little secrets if you may say. Yeah, I know they are a boy band. Yeah I know that it might be weird to read fictional stories about people that actually exists. But hey! It's fun... or it used to be. It's really hard to find a good FF this days. Ha! It sounded like I've been reading them for ages. I started less than a year ago. Haha, it sounded like "Hi, my name is Fer. And I've been addicted to JBFF for less than a year." But, no seriously, if you are into that (now it sounded like sex, gag me with a spoon!) would you be kind to send me recommendations. I read all kind of FFs, instead incest...that's just way to weird.

Kay, this ranting was REALLY weird. I'm sorry... I usually rant weird stuff when I'm bored and don't know what to do with my life. HA!

Also, as you can see, I sometimes don't have a filter in my mouth. Or actually in my writing. But that's just the way I roll. (Yes! I'm a JB fan! Guilty *wink*)

- Fer

PS - How did I end up listening a Justin Bieber song? I thought I was going all gaga! HA!

Age Is Just A Number

And you know it. I'm a 16 year old girl who is struggling through life. Maybe that sounds stupid and overrated but I can tell you my readers, that I may be sixteen but I am not always one. Exactly... why do we even have an age? It's something that only indicates how much time you've been on earth. But every life is different and the experiences are what make your real age. Because I believe that we don't age with the years, but with what you go through every day in your life.

I've been through a lot of stuff, I now know a lot of things that I shouldn't know at my age. And most of the time I was the responsibility of a 30 year old mother. And other times I'm just a normal teenager. But... what is normal?

This thoughts have been on my mind since my father told me, in a very serious voice that scared the hell out of me, to take care of my nineteen year old sister. This might sound weird for you, but, remember our little introduction upstairs?. Yeah, your age is not exactly how old your heart and mind are. I'm not going into details. You just have to know that my older sister is actually my little sister and she has to be watched 24/7. So technically my father was telling me to babysit her while my mother and him go to a trip. I'm not going to complain about the fact that they were going on vacation, because they deserve it. They put up with a lot. But that's not what I'm writing today. Let's focus on the fact that I had to babysit my sister, go to school, do homework and take care of the house for 5 days. And be careful to take care of myself, because I tent to get sick a lot. Stressed Much.

Obviously something had to go wrong, because it's impossible that a person do so many things and everything goes right. At least not with me. Apparently is really hard being a mother and trying to focus on Greek Literature. What is in your mind 31 (24/7 24 + 7 = 31 I know, very clever. I was reading an awesome Fan Fiction, HA!) is if you kid (in this case my daughter/sister) is okay.

That's how I collapsed on Thursday. I had one of those really bad days. My day started with my sister being up early because she couldn't sleep. We talked a little and it killed me to leave her alone. I considered the possibility of skipping school, but I knew that it wasn't an option. You see, I am a senior in high school, I'm applying for university this year and I need really good grades and stuff so I can enter. So yeah, skipping school on my third week wasn't an option.

That's how I left home, getting into the bus because my usual ride was late. This bus was surrounded by little devils or children, whatever floats your boat. I still think they are little devils that scream all the time. I tried to watched it off and convinced myself that it was going to be a good day. Luckily the ride to school wasn't that long and when I arrived I smiled seeing one of my friends who was kindly enough to wait for me to get out of the bus. We walked together to school but had to split because we are in different classes.

I finally arrived to my class and something started to feel wrong about it. I really wasn't feeling good. I decided to collapse in my sit and try to sleep a little. After all I woke up at 6 am. It didn't work. But I was way to tired and just feeling weird. Until it hit me, how is my sister doing? is she okay? what if she is not feeling well? I started freaking out. And exactly in that moment our teacher started to lecture me because I hadn't filled the stupid homework mural. I seriously couldn't care less. I normally freak out when any teacher lecture me, because I normally do everything right. But this time I couldn't care less about a stupid mural. I just stayed in my sit, still trying to sleep. When it hit me, again. I'm not sure what it was. I just wanted to cry. I wanted to scream so bad. I wanted to just run away, anywhere... just away. But I didn't I just stayed there, trying to cry. I couldn't.

A little later math class started and I felt a bad headache coming. I normally don't go to the nurse when I have a headache because I am use to it. But this time I decided that I couldn't stand it anymore. So I went and took a pill. Then the day continued. I started to feel better and forgot about my break down in the morning. My friends know better than asking me what I have. Because I never give an answer. So all went it's curse. I still couldn't focus in any class thou.

Then I've been busy all this days, going to school, taking my sister out, and doing homework. Waking up really early because I was worry about her.

I love my sister, I really do and it's not her fault nor my dad's fault. It's nobody faults, that kind of things just happens. And all this made me realize why my mom is stressed all day. I really admire her now. I just had to do it for five days. She's been doing it for nineteen years. You seriously don't know how it's like till you go through it. But you know... A Little Bit Longer And I'll Be Fine.

Welcome To My Life

"You don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
Welcome To My Life"
by Simple Plan

To be hurt. To feel lost. To be felt out in the dark. To be kicked when your down. To feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down. And no one's there to save you

There is something I've always thought in live and that I've never had the courage to tell it. Well, more like I've never knew the exact words to it. You know? When you know something and it's stuck in your head but you just can't put it into words. That kind of thing. But as always, we are not alone in this world. Another thing I've discovered. Even when you feel you are the only one with this thought...you are not. I'm sorry, if you think you are having the best idea ever...probably someone in China in the 80's had the exact same idea. We are to many in this world (who knows if there are more... I like to believe there are) for you to be the only one having this incredible idea.

"No one can really ever relate to the way that you feel. Some people say 'Oh I understand how you feeling'. But it's like...no one really ever understands. You can sort of understand but it's only you who is really going through." - Nicholas Jerry Jonas

My thoughts exactly my dear Nicholas. I've been thinking about this a lot. We may not be alone in this world with the same problems, and obviously there are worst problems than yours, as there are less problems. But, the thing is my readers, no one would ever understand what you are going through. Because it's you who are going through that. So okay, maybe a person in Africa is going through the same thing, but he/she is not you. That's because every person has his/her own world inside his/her head and it's impossible to be 100% in there. But like my "Addida"'s friends like to say "Impossible Is Nothing". So why don't you get on that boat with me? Come on, try to enter into my little twisted head and let's see where this takes us. Maybe instead of finding something about myself, you would end up finding yourself. Or maybe that's way to corny. Who cares? It's you and me against the world. (Talking about corniness)

PS: I'd like to apologize for my horrible grammar I'm still learning English. What's my original language? Where am I from? Am I an alien? Well, let's find out. Shall we?