Nicholas Jonas

“And when one thing doesn’t go our way, we begin to question.. we begin to fear what our next step will be. I had one of those moments about 4 and a half years ago when I got diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. and even though i feel like i’ve shared my story enough there is a moment in particular i want to share with you tonight, a moment i don’t talk about very often, usually you hear me say positive things like ‘ive moved on’ ‘ive pressed on’.. ‘i didn’t let it slow me down’ but i never tlk about the moment when i feared what the future was, when i asked the question ‘am i gonna die?’ my doctor looked back at me and said ‘no, you’re gonna be alright’ and then from that point on, i made the commitment that i wouldn’t let it slow me down, and so when that moment comes for you, in your own circumstance and in your own life, promise me one thing? don’t you ever, EVER let it slow you down. cause i believe in you, and i wanna thank all of you for believing in me. even when i had trouble believing in myself, so for that i say thankyou. now can you sing this out with me tonight….. you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.."

Don't Take Anything For Granted

The moment you start to, is the moment everything falls apart. The moment you are really happy and content with life, something comes and makes you realize that life is not that easy. That we should not take happiness for granted or life, for what matters.

Even the waking up every morning is something we shouldn't take for granted. Because there might be a night where we go to sleep and never wake up.

It doesn't we should live in fear, in no way. She should live fearless, because we know that we live every time at its fullest and that we don't regret a thing.

So remember to live every moment like it was your last, because it might be, and never take the people and what you have for granted.

We Are Young and Stupid

I started drinking a year ago? I'm not sure. It was around one of my friend's birthday. If you read my last blog, you would understand what my idea of consuming alcohol was before that. I've always been the responsible child and what not. But I had a lot of stuff going throw my live and decided that it was time to live my age. To be young. Well, let me tell you. When you cross that line. There is no way back. You become young and stupid. But as they say "you can't be old and smart if you haven't been young and stupid."

I actually don't drink that much, just a few cups in parties and what not. Why do I drink? That's a simple and weird answer at the same time. I drink because I am normally a shy person and with a little of alcohol in my system I can do things that I wouldn't do while being sober. Also because I don't usually dance, so what's left is a
drinking. I mean, you can't sit and talk and being there doing nothing is kind of lame. Other reason is because it takes all my problems away, at least for a night. I feel so young, so stupidly young that it's wonderful.

Maybe I'm exaggerating things, I don't get wasted at parties, I only drink a few cups that go immediately to my system, because I'm weak.

Also I know if I wasn't in other environment I wouldn't be drinking. But it's where I live and the people I hang out. They are not but people, but again, it's society. So maybe I shouldn't be worrying about it so much. I just don't wanna cross the limit, if there is one, if I already cross it.

Anyways... I'm gonna keep living; young and stupid.

What's wrong and what not?

I’ve always knew that a lot of stuff were bad. Like drinking, smoking, and doing drugs.

So when you are little you tell yourself that you would never do stuff like that. And you promise yourself you won’t end up like the adults. All messed up.

Then you wake up and realize what the world is. And that fighting against that is useless. You realize that after all, drinking is not that bad. What would a few drinks would do to you anyways? I mean, everyone does it. It’s not like you are gonna depend on alcohol. So, you end up drinking at one time of your teenager hood. You like it or maybe not. But that’s what the cool kids do. Then you find yourself drinking with your friends every weekend and get a little bit wasted every party more than the other.

And now even if you drink, you decide that smoking is something you would really never do. Until one night one of your friends invite you a cigarette and what not. That friend teaches you how to do it. You give it a try. There is no way back.

That’s when you realize in what kind of world you are involve. But you brush it off. You tell yourself that it's just part of being a teenager and totally forget about your wisdom worlds from when you were an innocent child.

One day you find out that your best friend, someone who you thought you knew better than anyone, is smoking weed. Weed?! You flipped out. Something is drinking or smoking. But weed? That’s wrong. Just way to wrong. You yell at your friend, tell him/her that he/she is crazy. You tell him/her that that’s illegal. And with that your friend laughs and tells you that drinking and smoking is illegal too, being an underage. You tell your friend that it’s not the same. But… is it? You justify yourself that weed is going to ruin his/her brain. But… doesn’t alcohol and smoking do the same?

Then is when you realize… and ask yourself. Is it really that different drinking and smoking from smoking weed? I mean, you always knew that weed was way too wrong. But… you also told yourself that about the drinking and smoking. And that just went away. You still think that alcohol is not going to ruin you the way weed would. But, it doesn’t matter. Both are wrong. Aren’t they? I mean, people do it all the time. But… people smoke weed all the time too. So.. where is the limit? And what is wrong?

Your head is a mess and you get a headache for thinking all that. You get tired of trying to figure everything up. Until you realize that this is all fault of society. And that this world is just to fucked up.

Shit Happens

I'm not normally a person who curses and stuff like that, but let's face it sometimes shit just happens. And that's life. Shit happens and we just have to face it. But sometimes it's just something that might look embarrassing for you but not for others. So you just have to laugh and brush it off.

So now I'll give you the chance to laugh. I burned my nose during chemistry class with hot glass.

Yeah... Maybe you should've been there.

That's what she said.

PS: I actually never got that "That's what she said" jokes. Whatevs.

A Dirty Little Secret About Me

I've always been that kind of person that holds every tear and that leaves all those sad emotions inside. But there comes the time when everything breaks. And with just a little moment of weakness, hell breaks loose.

What We Can Do

Sometimes life really surprises us and sometimes we just can't do a thing about it. Even when we see our love ones suffer and pass through a lot, we can't do something to help them. And sometimes when we think that life sucks the most, something beautiful appears and we realized that what we were complaining was stupid.

Also we like to think a lot about ourselves, without realizing that the people that we love the most are the ones that need your company right now. So maybe we can't do anything against life and we can't help the people that we love. But we can be just there for them, it might not sound like a big deal. But it is, because, let's face it, nobody likes to be alone.

Life Is Scarier Than A Scary Movie

"You are writing your own autobiography...Make it great" - Joseph Adam Jonas

And you know it's true. Don't deny it. They are a lot of people telling us to live at the fullest and to enjoy every moment because it would NOT come around again. And that's so true but scary at the same time. It's scary to think that one minute more in earth it's one less in earth too. And there is the thing about not knowing when is our last day. I mean, it could be in the next second or maybe in 90 years. Who knows? Maybe the world it's ending in 2012 like a lot of people say. Only God knows. And I like it to stay that way. I don't like people trying to predict when are they going to die or when the world is coming to an "END". That takes all the excitement and mystery of living. If you knew when you are going to die, then you'll just live with fear and do things because you HAVE to, because you know when the end is. But if you are a mortal like me, you'll just enjoy every moment if you feel like it. Even thou you know deep inside that you should do something more productive because someday death would come and get you.

I know that might sound scary, but it shouldn't. Let me tell you some dirty little secret. I'm not afraid to die. Obviously I'd like to stay as many years as I can on earth. I'd like to turn my dreams into reality. But let's face it... as ironic as it sounds, death is just a part of living. And it is. We are created and put into this world, we live and then, time to go back from where we came from. And there is no scary part of that. The only scary part is when you die and you realize that you haven't achieved anything in life. Because, let me tell you, there is not "what if" in live. There is no rewind. And that's why life is the most beautiful movie, because there are no cuts. Mistakes and all.

So let's live our live at the fullest. But let's never forget to make a pause in it and enjoy every moment because only you can decide what kind of live you are living.

R A N T I N G

Don't you hate it when you have plenty of time but you don't want to do anything that pops your mind? Isn't that really stressing? .... Yeah I thought so...

I'm really not in the mood for reading, or watching TV or any of that things that normally I like to do. I can't even pick a friggin song to listen! And I think Nick Jonas just moaned in "State of Emergency" Ha, the things you noticed when you are not paying attention, say what?!

Anyways, back to my problem. I still can't find a good FF (Fan Fiction) I would like to read. Seriously, they are getting all the same and boring. Or maybe I'm just getting a little bit tired of the regular story. Joe is a douche bag, bad girl falls in love, they change, they have sex, they marry and they live happy ever after. Tell me something new.

And yeah, I'm talking about Jonas Brothers Fan Fiction, they are my guilty pleasure. What can I say? One of my dirty little secrets if you may say. Yeah, I know they are a boy band. Yeah I know that it might be weird to read fictional stories about people that actually exists. But hey! It's fun... or it used to be. It's really hard to find a good FF this days. Ha! It sounded like I've been reading them for ages. I started less than a year ago. Haha, it sounded like "Hi, my name is Fer. And I've been addicted to JBFF for less than a year." But, no seriously, if you are into that (now it sounded like sex, gag me with a spoon!) would you be kind to send me recommendations. I read all kind of FFs, instead incest...that's just way to weird.

Kay, this ranting was REALLY weird. I'm sorry... I usually rant weird stuff when I'm bored and don't know what to do with my life. HA!

Also, as you can see, I sometimes don't have a filter in my mouth. Or actually in my writing. But that's just the way I roll. (Yes! I'm a JB fan! Guilty *wink*)

- Fer

PS - How did I end up listening a Justin Bieber song? I thought I was going all gaga! HA!

Age Is Just A Number

And you know it. I'm a 16 year old girl who is struggling through life. Maybe that sounds stupid and overrated but I can tell you my readers, that I may be sixteen but I am not always one. Exactly... why do we even have an age? It's something that only indicates how much time you've been on earth. But every life is different and the experiences are what make your real age. Because I believe that we don't age with the years, but with what you go through every day in your life.

I've been through a lot of stuff, I now know a lot of things that I shouldn't know at my age. And most of the time I was the responsibility of a 30 year old mother. And other times I'm just a normal teenager. But... what is normal?

This thoughts have been on my mind since my father told me, in a very serious voice that scared the hell out of me, to take care of my nineteen year old sister. This might sound weird for you, but, remember our little introduction upstairs?. Yeah, your age is not exactly how old your heart and mind are. I'm not going into details. You just have to know that my older sister is actually my little sister and she has to be watched 24/7. So technically my father was telling me to babysit her while my mother and him go to a trip. I'm not going to complain about the fact that they were going on vacation, because they deserve it. They put up with a lot. But that's not what I'm writing today. Let's focus on the fact that I had to babysit my sister, go to school, do homework and take care of the house for 5 days. And be careful to take care of myself, because I tent to get sick a lot. Stressed Much.

Obviously something had to go wrong, because it's impossible that a person do so many things and everything goes right. At least not with me. Apparently is really hard being a mother and trying to focus on Greek Literature. What is in your mind 31 (24/7 24 + 7 = 31 I know, very clever. I was reading an awesome Fan Fiction, HA!) is if you kid (in this case my daughter/sister) is okay.

That's how I collapsed on Thursday. I had one of those really bad days. My day started with my sister being up early because she couldn't sleep. We talked a little and it killed me to leave her alone. I considered the possibility of skipping school, but I knew that it wasn't an option. You see, I am a senior in high school, I'm applying for university this year and I need really good grades and stuff so I can enter. So yeah, skipping school on my third week wasn't an option.

That's how I left home, getting into the bus because my usual ride was late. This bus was surrounded by little devils or children, whatever floats your boat. I still think they are little devils that scream all the time. I tried to watched it off and convinced myself that it was going to be a good day. Luckily the ride to school wasn't that long and when I arrived I smiled seeing one of my friends who was kindly enough to wait for me to get out of the bus. We walked together to school but had to split because we are in different classes.

I finally arrived to my class and something started to feel wrong about it. I really wasn't feeling good. I decided to collapse in my sit and try to sleep a little. After all I woke up at 6 am. It didn't work. But I was way to tired and just feeling weird. Until it hit me, how is my sister doing? is she okay? what if she is not feeling well? I started freaking out. And exactly in that moment our teacher started to lecture me because I hadn't filled the stupid homework mural. I seriously couldn't care less. I normally freak out when any teacher lecture me, because I normally do everything right. But this time I couldn't care less about a stupid mural. I just stayed in my sit, still trying to sleep. When it hit me, again. I'm not sure what it was. I just wanted to cry. I wanted to scream so bad. I wanted to just run away, anywhere... just away. But I didn't I just stayed there, trying to cry. I couldn't.

A little later math class started and I felt a bad headache coming. I normally don't go to the nurse when I have a headache because I am use to it. But this time I decided that I couldn't stand it anymore. So I went and took a pill. Then the day continued. I started to feel better and forgot about my break down in the morning. My friends know better than asking me what I have. Because I never give an answer. So all went it's curse. I still couldn't focus in any class thou.

Then I've been busy all this days, going to school, taking my sister out, and doing homework. Waking up really early because I was worry about her.

I love my sister, I really do and it's not her fault nor my dad's fault. It's nobody faults, that kind of things just happens. And all this made me realize why my mom is stressed all day. I really admire her now. I just had to do it for five days. She's been doing it for nineteen years. You seriously don't know how it's like till you go through it. But you know... A Little Bit Longer And I'll Be Fine.

Welcome To My Life

"You don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
Welcome To My Life"
by Simple Plan

To be hurt. To feel lost. To be felt out in the dark. To be kicked when your down. To feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down. And no one's there to save you

There is something I've always thought in live and that I've never had the courage to tell it. Well, more like I've never knew the exact words to it. You know? When you know something and it's stuck in your head but you just can't put it into words. That kind of thing. But as always, we are not alone in this world. Another thing I've discovered. Even when you feel you are the only one with this thought...you are not. I'm sorry, if you think you are having the best idea ever...probably someone in China in the 80's had the exact same idea. We are to many in this world (who knows if there are more... I like to believe there are) for you to be the only one having this incredible idea.

"No one can really ever relate to the way that you feel. Some people say 'Oh I understand how you feeling'. But it's like...no one really ever understands. You can sort of understand but it's only you who is really going through." - Nicholas Jerry Jonas

My thoughts exactly my dear Nicholas. I've been thinking about this a lot. We may not be alone in this world with the same problems, and obviously there are worst problems than yours, as there are less problems. But, the thing is my readers, no one would ever understand what you are going through. Because it's you who are going through that. So okay, maybe a person in Africa is going through the same thing, but he/she is not you. That's because every person has his/her own world inside his/her head and it's impossible to be 100% in there. But like my "Addida"'s friends like to say "Impossible Is Nothing". So why don't you get on that boat with me? Come on, try to enter into my little twisted head and let's see where this takes us. Maybe instead of finding something about myself, you would end up finding yourself. Or maybe that's way to corny. Who cares? It's you and me against the world. (Talking about corniness)

PS: I'd like to apologize for my horrible grammar I'm still learning English. What's my original language? Where am I from? Am I an alien? Well, let's find out. Shall we?